Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 38. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood

Isle of Man – 18th. July — 1792

Thanks to the almighty Preserver of my best, my most dearly beloved Brother, I have this happy Moment been blest by a *Letter, acknowledging the receipt of my Mama's & mine to him
* see Numbers 31 & 32
How impatiently have we all wished for a Letter from you, to tell us once more that you had heard from us — May that Serenity of Mind they have produced continue to you my Love, & be the constant Companion of that dear Bosom the residence of Purity & Innocence! I have written to you by every Opportunity — not only as it is I am well convinced your chiefest Pleasure, but likewise my own; for Alas! I need not tell you my dearest Love that all Company, all Conversation, & every Employment is to me insipid when unconnected with you, the only, & the Darling Object of my Hopes & Wishes. — Since you request I will not go to Portsmouth my Peter I will not think of it, convinced that if such a step is against your Judgment it must be improper. — Sure 'tis cruel to forbid my seeing you — but rules of Service however hard upon Individuals must be submitted to, & I will if possible be content — content did I say? Never, never till I embrace my noble, my inestimable Brother! — Mr. Heywood has in his last *Letter to me rather disapproved of my Intention to go to you —
* see No. 26
The reason he urged against it was, that you will now be taken every Care of & will receive the utmost Attention from your Friends (among whom the excellent Mrs. Bertie is first) I cou'd do you no essential Service, & that he feared I might by seeing you in your present Situation agitate & perhaps injure both you & myself. — With respect to you my Love, that reason has great Weight with me, because your Mind ought for the present in particular to be kept cool and composed, & I wou'd not lessen that Composure even by affording you all I cou'd — a painful Pleasure in seeing me. — but as for myself no Danger, no Fatigue, no Difficulties wou'd deter me — I have Youth, Health, & excellent natural Spirits — those & the Strength of my Affection wou'd support me through it all — if I were not allowed to see you, yet being in the same place which contains you wou'd be joy inexpressible — however that very Circumstance must be distressing to you & wou'd only be a Source of Mortification. — I will not therefore any longer desire it but will learn to imitate your Fortitude & Patience. — do you know I envy you exceedingly — to have borne with such Heroism your dreadful Misfortunes — to become the Idol of all your relations & Friends, & to be held up as Example of suffering Virtue — tell me my Love, is not such a Triumph worth the Purchase? — Thus speaks my little Bravery of Spirit — Yet how does my fond Affection for my angelic Brother shrink with Horror at the bare recollection of his past Dangers & Misfortunes! — The sweet & pious resignation & Fortitude which has hitherto so happily conducted you (& will I doubt not continue to do so) through them, is I freely own just what I expected from you — for such is my Idea of your Character that I shou'd have been disappointed had you acted less nobly — but Oh! Gracious Disposer of all Events may my lov'd Peter at Length enjoy the Happiness he so justly merits & may his future Life be unembittered by even a Thought that might give him Pain! — since I must not see you my dearest Life let me request you (tho' I am sure it is unnecessary) not to omit any Opportunity of writing — Judge by your own Feelings of our Joy on receiving a Letter from you — & above every other Consideration on Earth take Care of your Health about which I am chiefly anxious. — All the Family send you ten thousand Loves & good Wishes. — With respect to the Event of your Trial, I am sure we ought to banish every Sentiment of Fear, & rest securely on the Assistance of a kind Providence & your own Virtue — if there is Justice for the Innocent on this Earth you will assuredly be restored to us with Honor — Ah! my adored Peter how the Idea transports me! May the Giver of all Good in Mercy, grant that such may soon be our happy Lot, & that I may at length enjoy the Felicity of pressing the best of Brothers to the Bosom of his ever faithfully

affectionate Sister

    Nessy Heywood