Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 39. Mr. P. Heywood to Miss N. Heywood

Hector July 22d. — 1792

My beloved Sister.

Jun 3, 1792 I have this Morning received your long-expected Letter dated *3d. June last on which Day we were within 3 Leagues of the Azores or Western Isles. — From the Tenor of it I am sorry to find that the supposition I had mentioned to my Mother in my Letter from Batavia of Captain Bligh's suspecting me to be one of the Mutineers was not groundless. — & did he then actually look upon me to be one? — My God! — was my Conduct at any Time such as to give him the smallest reason to distrust my Behaviour, or even my Thoughts? — the Omnipotent Searcher of
* see No. 9
Hearts alone can prove it never was? — did he then write to you to that Effect! — Alas! — & had he so mean an Opinion of my Disposition & Morals? — But — I forgive his Cruelty, & may God do the same! — Yet I think he might have known me better. — Ah! Nessy — wou'd to God this Letter had not come to my Hand! — till now I had almost said my Fears for my reputation & good Name were groundless; but Alas! by it they are verified — that he, the first Commander I ever was with, deemed me a Mutineer — Oh! Heavens! — The Thought is almost insupportable! — this Letter has given me more Anxiety than all the numerous & complicated scenes of Horror & Misery with which I have been familiar, since I was first a Prey to Misfortune cou'd ever do. — but I will endeavour to ease my Pain & call to my Aid that Balm of Woe which has ever been my greatest Consolation (see page 18[*]) How kind my dear Nessy is Mrs. Bertie — I need but express a Wish for any thing & I have it immediately — she sends me Vegetables &c every Day — & Yesterday she sent me some Books to soften my Confinement & amuse the tedious Hours — Adieu my dear — I am in as good Health as ever I enjoyed in my Life, & with Love & Duty to my dear Mother &c shall ever subscribe myself

your most faithful

  & affectionate Brother

    Peter Heywood

[* From page 18:]

Oh! Hope — thou firm support against Despair
Assist me now stern adverse Fate to bear;
And Teach me, when by Troubles sore opprest,
To think they happen to me for the best;
To waft from off my Soul the Clouds of Woe
And make the big swoln Tear forget to flow:
And Oh! remind me that the Time draws near
When from these Chains! once more I shall be clear:
My long-felt Troubles then perhaps will cease
and past Distress be crown'd by future Peace!

Portsmouth July 22d. 1792  Peter Heywood