Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 92. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood

Great Russel Street 9^th Oct^r 1792

Yes! my ever dearest Brother, I will write to you, & I know I need not add, that in that Employment (while thus deprived of your lov'd Society) consists my only Happiness! — I have this Moment a Letter from James who I rejoice is now with you — I am sure he will do all he can to supply my Place, & will spend all his Hours with you — happy in being permitted to enjoy that Consolation. — He says you are in good Spirits my Love — too well I know the unruffled Serenity of such a Mind is not to be disturbed by any Circumstance & therefore hear that Account as well as every other (& they daily occur) of your high Perfection without Surprize — but, with a thousand indescribable sensations! — James desires if I have any thing in particular to say, I will communicate it to him. But why not express my sentiments to yourself? — I have nothing to say which I shou'd blush to have known to the World — nothing to express in my Letters but Love & Affection — & shall I blush for this? — or can I have a Wish to conceal sentiments of such a Nature for an Object whom I am so certain merits all my regard & in whom the Admiration of surrounding Friends convinces me I am not mistaken? — No — surely — 'tis my Pride my chiefest Joy to love you — & when you think me worthy of Commendation, that, Praise, & that only — can make me Vain! — I shall not therefore write to you my Love in a private Manner, for it is unnecessary; — & I abhor all Deceit; — in which I know you agree with me. I shall direct however to James & it will answer the purpose of writing to himself. — Mr. Graham had a Letter from my Uncle Pasley yesterday, expressing the most restless Anxiety on your Account which I dare say is the reason you have not heard from him — 'tis in vain my best Life for me to expatiate on his Goodness or that of Mr. Graham our invaluable Friend, for it is inexpressible: — suffice it to say that he is indefatigable — Night & Day you are the subject ever uppermost in his Thoughts & unceasingly does he study to relieve my anxious Mind by dwelling on what alone can interest & give me Pleasure — If I see you here once more — And Oh! Almighty God — grant I may not sue for the inestimable Blessing in vain! — then my Brother I can explain his Worth & his unheard of Friendship — at present I can only say he is a kind solicitous indulgent Parent both to you & me. — James tells me you have every Comfort that can possibly be granted you — Heaven bless those generous Friends who with kind Indulgence & attentive Goodness thus watch over your Wants & with fostering Tenderness administer to your relief! — I have written twice to my Mama & Sisters notwithstanding our present state of Anxiety I hope I have told them some things which cannot fail to give them Pleasure — if indeed the Word Pleasure can possibly express a Feeling of ours just now. — Assure yourself my Peter I studiously endeavour to support my Mama — 'tis impossible to say she is easy — but she is as much, & perhaps even more so than cou'd be expected. — I will not attempt to go to you, for added to your own Entreaties not to do so, Mr. Graham wou'd disapprove of it; — & that is & ought to be sufficient to deter me — but that my Heart & soul is with you I need not say — Alas! when will this suspense be over! — but I will trust myself on this subject — my Study must be to keep from my Peter's calm & unruffled Soul every Idea than can disturb its peaceful Tranquility; & those Expressions I feel Alas! only agitate my own! — When you can do so without distressing yourself, write to me my Love; & to you my dear James I commit the Care of his precious Health. —

Farewell my beloved Brothers — may the God of Mercies preserve you both, & may he yet restore my Peter, to his

tenderly affectionate Sister

    Nessy Heywood