Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 82. Mr. P. Heywood to Mrs. Heywood.

Hector – Sep'r. 29^th 1792

I wou'd not now write to my dear & much honored Mother were I not apprehensive that from my Silence she might entertain a supposition that I am unable to do that Duty by being too much oppressed with the Weight of my own Misfortunes. — But my dear Mother Harbour not such a Thought! — Think not that I am in the smallest Degree uneasy in my Mind with respect to my own Situation — the only Anxiety I can at any Time feel is when I picture to myself the truly distressed state into which the relation of the past unhappy Conclusion must have thrown you & all my beloved Sisters &c — But let pious resignation to the divine Will eradicate all despairing Ideas, or nay Thoughts that may even look like an Appearance of arraigning the all-wise Decrees of unerring Providence — For that God, who gave me the Life I now enjoy will I am conscious if he sees it best for my future Interest permit me to enjoy it still, in spite of all that Man can say or do to the Contrary. — but if he judges it proper for me to lay it down, I think I can, with the greatest resignation, & a full Hope of his Mercy thro' the Merits of the blessed Emanuel, comply most chearfully with his just demand — for I fall, only a Victim to those Laws, not one of which I have ever broken — Perjury — Alas! — But — God will judge us all! — My only Desire is now to ease my dear Mother's Mind which I hope will be the Case when I tell her from my soul I am happy — & may yet be more so — but, let us not entertain too sanguine Hopes, lest we shou'd be again disappointed, but prepare for the Worst — Be not uneasy! all the Interest that can be procured is used in my Behalf — trust in God — the Words of his inspired Volume only can give Ease to Affliction! — A Minister of the Gospel who now attends me has advised me not to say too much to any of my dear relations — but now & then I cannot avoid it, yet if I am a little remiss I know my beloved Mother will attribute my silence to its true reason. — I have had most affectionate Letters from my Uncle Holwell's Family, as well as from my good Friend Mr. Southcote, now in London. — Mr. Graham & Mr. Delafons have behaved to me with true paternal Kindness — Mr. Spranger pays me frequent Visits — Mrs. Bertie was obliged to leave Portsmouth the Day after my sentence was passed, & on her Way to Marristow wrote me a most kind Letter from Yarmouth. — Whatever News turns up, you may depend on having the earliest Intelligence of it that I can procure, & I know you my dear Mother will be prepared for either and in the mean time endeavour to compose your dear Mind & quell the anxious Throb's of an afflicted (but God forbid!) despairing soul. — Give my sincere Duty to my Uncle & unabated Love to my dear sorrowful Sister's, Brother's & Cousins — & Oh! forget not my much honor'd Dr. Scott! — Be assured I shall ever act as worthy of the Family from which I am sprung & the Name of my dear Mother

your most dutiful, obedient,

  & resigned son

    P: Heywood